20 Funny Quotes on Parenting: Keeping It Real and Relatable

September 3, 2019 8:00 am

Published by Jessica


All parents love their children unconditionally. But keeping babies alive is hard work and tired parents just need to blow off some steam. These 20 funny quotes on parenting will remind you that you are not alone in this. Sit back a take a good laugh at your current life.


1. “90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.”

2. “Having children is like living in a frat house- nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

3. “I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.”

4. “Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” -David Frost

5. “You know your life has changed when  going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.”

6. “Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4

7. “One day I will be thankful that my child is strong-willed, but that will not be today.”

8. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

9. “I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.”

10. “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” – Jerry Seinfeld

11. “Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”


12. “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.”

13. “It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” – Carrie Underwood

14. “Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?” – Alyson Hannigan


15. “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” – Phyllis Diller


16. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse

17. “No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland

18. “A lone Sharpie lid: one of the most terrifying things a parent can find.” -@nottheworstmom

19. “The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma

20. “Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.” – Nate Smith



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