If we want to take good care of children, it is not enough to read a lot of books, it is not enough to buy a house, beautiful baby clothes and a lot of toys for the baby development. The main thing is for the child to grow up in a loving environment. And it’s not just about the love we feel for our little one, but it’s very much about partner love, love between parents.
Children are perceived by many couples as fulfillment or even the goal of a partnership. At the same time, many people perceive kids as a test of a relationship. And other couples have children for “repair” of their relationship.
What is certain is that no matter how you perceive the arrival of the little miracle in a relationship, your own offspring is a lifelong commitment. And with it come trials that many couples do not expect at all, and unfortunately many will not handle it.
A child from a family where love does not flow will be missing emotions, a child from a family where parents often argue will quite possibly be insecure in life. We know that parents are our first and strongest role models. We know that whether we like it or not, we learned almost everything from them. And we know that one day their relationships will be affected by our parent relationship.
So one of the most important things we can do for our children is take care of our partnership and develop it. So how to do it?
When children are born, whole life has been turned upside down. Everything suddenly revolves around the baby and there are days when there is no time left to even brush your teeth. The last thing you think about is some romance. And that is one of the things that needs to be accepted. When children are born, there is mostly no time for spontaneous romance. Often both parents are extremely tired and waiting for both of you to feel sexy, satisfied, self-realized and keen is just unrealistic.
The hardest is to accept that the relationship is no longer running “on its own”, that it is necessary to care about it. If we do not pay attention to the relationship in the carousel of joys and worries with the baby, the partner’s relationship can easily quietly disappear.
So all you need to do is to decide to take care of the relationship, to nurture it. Just don’t forget your partner, the love for him. Make a time for the relationship.
A long-term partnership is less impulsive and intense than the beginning of a relationship. What a long-term partnership is nourished from – everyday small expressions of interest and love. After the birth of children, you will probably not be able to passionate all night long. What feeds a long-term partnership are little things, little rituals that are important not to forget, even if you feel that you are not catching up at all. Kiss when you go to work, the question “how you doing” – little things.
To avoid many misunderstandings in a relationship, it will help you if you become aware of the fact that women are cyclical. In short, women and men are different in one basic fact, men do not have a menstrual cycle, so they are seemingly stable, while women change during the month according to the phase of the cycle they are changing, according to the hormonal levels that control these phases (cycles). There are days when women need to close in and not deal with anything, and there are days when they need to make love passionately, it is good to know what stage a woman is at. So here comes the communication.
It is also important to take time alone – take turns caring for children. Women spend most of their time with their children almost 24/7, so it is important that she has at least an hour of time for herself, for example three times a week, when a man takes the children and goes for a walk with them. This method is very important especially when you feel that a man continues to live his life, realizes himself at work, goes out with friends and you are still tied to children and you do not have a moment for yourself. This method then returns the relationship to the normal.
Another also very important thing is to make time for the partnership at least once a week. The time you regularly spend just together without children. When you have children and you are constantly solving, practical things about running a household, what is broken, what needs to be repaired, etc. It can easily happen that you subconsciously start associating your partner with negative experiences and it is good to overcome positive experiences. It’s great to have something to look forward to as partners.
What holds the relationship together is definitely sex – “to make love“. You are definitely tired and during the day it is not when and in the evening you want to go to bed. And so it may happen that you won’t be making love for a few weeks. Partners should not forget to make love. Because as sex disappears from life, so does love. It may be controversial but it is true, just find the definition of oxytocin and what it does.
As I wrote before the basis of a good relationship, not just a partnership, is communication. Sometimes there are simply situations when we need to tell someone else something unpleasant. For example, it annoys us with their behavior, we need something different. Rule number one is to talk about yourself and for yourself – to clearly describe what bothers me, how I feel about it, and how I would need it. It’s also good to keep in mind that what we don’t say out loud, the other one may not understand, it’s just not entirely practical to rely on it to “happen”.
It is a challenge to persevere, develop, care. Pay some attention and care, then you can find unsuspected treasures.